The pandemic has screwed us all up in some way. For those struggling with mental illness, more profoundly. I thought I was generally doing ok, but lately I realize the drag it has put on everything. Like many, I have gained 10 pounds and I can feel it now. I feel slow, more tired. Being overweight and out of shape has a profound effect on mental health and I am feeling that weight, literally and figuratively. But now that I feel a complete lack of motivation to do anything about it, I am in that suck place of, gee I should really work out more but no, I’ll just sit back and have some more popcorn. Having the intellectual knowledge of what you need to do yet not being able to get your brain and body cooperate is the problem. This has always been a thing for me, but it’s stronger lately. I know what to do but my brain just looks at me and says “shut up, sit down fool!”

I am hoping some of this is due to the fact that I went off the Wellbutrin I had been taking. Oh, I fell into the classic trap. I was feeling better, especially as Winter gave way to Spring and I was running out of pills. Instead of renewing I decided to stop and see how it went. For awhile it was fine but now, not good. I don’t think these pills are really doing much, until you stop. Then you find out they actually were doing something. I am re-engaging with my psychologist and getting back on the Wellbutrin. Hopefully this gets me out of this funk and I can tell my brain to fuck off and get our of the way. Loose a little weight and gain some fitness and I will gain even more leverage. That’s the plan anyway.

I hope the P-Funk hasn’t gotten you too down and if it has, you find your way through it. Stay on your meds and keep engaged with your therapist. It is helping and it all matters.