sign-realitycheckI received a very disturbing Facebook message the other day about a mutual friend. This friend has just committed suicide. We weren’t super close, but we knew each other well enough. Jeff was a great guy. Nice, good job, great family, ect. What could be so wrong? It goes to show, you can never know the darkness that inhabits someones soul, no matter what they appear on the outside. I am not terribly unlike Jeff although I don’t have the good job at the moment which is causing some stress. But if you met me, you might never know the anxiety and tention I deal with on a daily basis. You might never know how many times in the past I have wanted to die. I have never been close to active suicide, but what I call “passive” suicide absolutely. I thought about Jeff and wondered if he lived with “passive” suicide too and if something flipped the switch to turn things active. That scared me a little.

I still don’t know how I am able to manage myself these days. Why I have not gone down the rabbit hole of darkness I used to spiral into. I wish Jeff could have found his way through because he was, as they say, one of the good ones. The world is full of so many shitty people, we can’t afford to loose the good ones. While I don’t spiral into deep depression anymore, I can get very down and despondent and this news jolted me right out of that mood. It was like a wakeup call. Yeah, your life sucks, waaa waaa, not as badly as Jeff’s apparently.

I’m sorry it had to come to that Jeff. I hope you are finally at peace.