I am completely done with everything now, even regular standard therapy. I can’t afford it and I’m not sure I even want it anymore. At my last session, though, we were starting to get into it and, as usual, it always starts with tell me about growing up. That discussion always revolves around your parents as they are the ones who control your world. Of course I am assuming a regular childhood which I know plenty of people don’t have, but this was my experience so I have nothing else to generalize from.
I got the strong feeling like we were eventually going to come to the conclusion that it is my parents fault. I mean, if they are the ones principally responsible for shaping you, who else’s fault would it be? Again, disregarding chemical imbalance, it all comes down to how you were raised. Just thinking about it for myself I can see my parents did and said things that screwed me up. They didn’t intend to of course, but you can never know the impact of your words and actions. That makes we worry a lot about my kids now. What am I doing to them? Let me proactively say to them, I’m sorry.
There is one other event in my childhood that has nothing to do with my parents that no doubt had a large impact but I am not going to talk about it. Not even in this relatively anonymous blog. Oh, yeah, I hear you, I should go back to the doc and tell her, work it out there. I think I know the general response and what are you going to say to ever make that right? Nothing. No, I wasn’t abused.
As humans, we are the most complex animal on the planet. We get these big brains. These big sophisticated brains. Our greatest strength, and our greatest weakness.