I have made my decision. I am geting off Lexapro. I did not consult with my shrink on this decision although I will follow her advice for getting off. This was my decision and I had to make it myself. It’s something I have been considering for a month or so.
The primary thing that drove me to the decision was the overwhelming feeling of apathy that has come over me the past year. Lexapro has numbed me out so much I don’t care about anything anymore. This has become a real problem and has affected my daily life. Working for yourself requires tremendous motivation and drive and I have none. I need to feel again, for better or worse.
The other thing is a realization that when I went on Lexapro, I did very much need it and it helped greatly. I was going through an incredibly hard time in my life and was sinking into a deep, dark hole. It was to the point where I was loosing control and I felt like things were getting dangerous. But I am in a different place now and situations have changed. I think I have outlived my need for Lexapro but I have been a little afraid to realize it. Lexapro doesn’t really help you “deal” with anything so much as it turns off the light so you don’t have to see the monster. Now at the time I needed to not see the monster. Now, however, it’s time to stop hiding and move on. I am a different person in a different place. I’m not even sure the monster is even there anymore. If he is, well I need to find a more effective way of dealing with him.