As I look back on 2012 and think about it, I really have to say it was probably the worst year in my life. I made so many bad decisions, decisions that are still causing trama for me as I go into 2013. It was the year a couple of things that had been brewing for years finally came home to roost.
It’s often thought that a new year gives you a fresh start but that’s not true at all when you have messes to clean up that you created the year before. This is what I am facing now; trying to clean up the messes from last year while not making any new messes. If I could just get caught up with everything and truly have a new start.
All of my problems are my fault. They are self inflicted wounds which makes it worse when I think about how senseless they are. None of them had to happen. Bad decisions, I’ve made a few. But already I am struggling not to fall into the same rut, the same bad patterns of behavior. It’s so easy to slip back into that comfortable mold, even when it causes so much pain later. It’s like eating chocolate. You know it’s going to make you fat later but when you’re eating it, it’s so good. It’s a battle, everyday and I think staying aware of that will make the difference. Maybe starting my day by asking, “How am I going to win the war today?” “What battles to I have today?” Don’t sleep on your issues, or they will rise up and destroy you.