Back on the Sauce

Well, at least I beat one year since I posted last. It’s been a shit year in so many ways. I have been unemployed since January, my wife hates me more than you can imagine and I feel most days like I’m hanging on by a thread. I have not considered myself “depressed” all this time, but I have finally come to the realization that I am not happy. Far from it. My job prospects keep falling through and about every five days (sometimes more often) my wife will berate me for a half an hour about how shitty I am. Am I shitty? Not that much. Could I do more around the house to help, yes. I’m not sure the punishment fits the crime. Or maybe it does and I’m all that bad. I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore. She’s crazy herself, on Lexapro, but mentally fragile and unstable. If I could just get a  job, things would be much better. They always get worse when I  am out of work. Too much time at home.

I really have not wanted to see a shrink again and go on meds, but I am now pretty sure that’s going to happen. Again, it’s so different this time. If you asked me if I’m depressed, I would say no. But so very unhappy.What do you do for that? The Lexapro before helped me not fall into a pit of despair, but I never do that anymore. That’s not the problem. I have always wondered about taking an ADHD medicine. I do get very distracted and at other times hyperfocused. Our daughter has added an ADHD med to her Lexapro and it seems to be working very well. She has more energy and a more positive outlook. This is what I need. But to get the drug, I have to see a doc.